Jesus endured the cross. He endured death. Not only death, but humiliation
,shame, beatings, mockings, crucifixion... .so that WE may be saved... So that WE may have eternal life, so that WE may know the Father and have the Holy Spirit.
It was Christ's JOY to lay down His life for me... For us. And how He endured the suffering was the JOY that was set before Him. He had his eyes FIXED! Not on his present circumstances, but on what was to come, our salvation, His glorification, the Father's will... The Fathers GLORY, honor and praise!
These past few weeks God has revealed to me that I will not find true joy in motherhood without following the in the footsteps of my Savior... Dieing. To. Me. In order to Bless. These. Babies.
Dieing hurts... Bad. But it is so good at the very same time because it gives birth to beautiful, heavenly things!
Receiving 2 bundles of blessings is hard work, and I had no idea how taxing motherhood truly was going to be!
As I sat outside with my Bible and Jesus a couple weeks ago during the kids naps, I asked the Lord why my joy was coming and going. Why lately my joy had left me and I was feeling empty in the very thing I've been praying for for so many years... Motherhood!
As I was praying, my Bible flipped open (because of the wind) to Hebrews 12.
Hebrews 12:1-3 yes! That very scripture God was bringing to my heart as I was praying. I needed to read this because Jesus died with joy. I need Jesus' joy in my act of dieing to all I dreamed motherhood to be easy, fun, and always full of joy. But what happens when it's not easy, not fun, when everyone's crying and I feel like I'm about to lose it? I endure by the grace of God with Christ's joy knowing every moment with these kids is an offering to Christ. Though my act of dieing to my perfect thought of motherhood is NOTHING compared to the death Jesus endures, my death can also be glorifying to God if I endure with Joy.
I'm so thankful for these babies and my heart hurts to see the selfishness and anger in my heart that I have come to realize through motherhood. But the good thing is, I can joyfully die to my selfish desires and follow my Savior by His grace! For the Joy set before me, holding the hand of my Savior...