Foster Care: to Give or to Receive?
That is the question. And of course, your answer and my answer are the same thing... To GIVE of course! Duh! How could anyone go into foster care, a broken system where children come in torn apart, to GET? To receive from them? To expect to receive something...?
Well.. When motives are tested and things are revealed, I found that inside of me somewhere were the hopes to receive a child. Receive... A forever family. Receive joy and happiness from them. And that motive, not dealt with, causes many problems - because it's not about me. It's about providing those very things (joy and happiness) for them no matter what the outcome. I truly thought going into foster care that I knew this. I did "know" it in my head, but my heart was in a different place. It's interesting how we can know something but our hearts can be far from that idea, and because we "know" it in knowledge terms, we think we've "got it"... just then to have circumstances reveal that our hearts never really knew it in the first place. We need to be mastered by it, and the only way to be mastered by a truth, is to go through it.. To be tested and sanctified by the good Lord Jesus. So, here I am... Going through it!
"Foster care is less about getting a child for your family and more about GIVING your family for a child." - Jason Johnson
I reveal all of this to you for one reason... If we can deal with this very heart issue, deep down; surrender it to Jesus, then our Foster care process will go so much smoother and be so much more gloryfting to God.
This may not be the case for some of you. Some of you may already have children of your own in your home and so you solely went into foster care prepared. Others of you, like me, thought you prepared yourself for the cost, knew that forever family was never promised, but when push came to shove realized you really wanted to receive, too.
The great and glorious thing is there is hope! God has just recently shifted my heart... From wanting to receive for me, to wanting to give for them. This.is.grace.
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As usual, I started this post a few month or so ago... And am now today just getting to finish it. It's amazing that looking back Jesus was preparing my heart for what I didn't know would happen so fast... Giving M back to his biological momma.
I'm so thankful that God shifted my heart. It helped me so much in the grieving process (that's still happening) and it made M's bio mom feel dignified knowing I'm for her well-being, too. When my heart shifted to be completely in this to serve Jesus, M and bio mom - instead of myself - Jesus did miraculous things. Just as Jesus does.
Dear middle mom,
Please consider asking Jesus for His heart for ALL the people involved in your foster care case. Believe me, I know, you're putting in all the hard work, giving your heart to be shattered, and shedding deep heart tears as your heart loves so deeply a child that is not technically "yours". I know it feels right to feel like you deserve the child because bio mom Keeps slipping up. Dear momma, consider your relationship with Jesus and how many times you slip up; yet Jesus welcomes you back into His arms as you turn to Him in repentance. To receive grace. To receive redemption. Please consider redemption in this. And how we're all on this walk of redemption. I'm going to write about what I've learned about redemption in foster care in my next blog. Be looking for it. I'm loving hard with you. For His glory and His purposes.
Hugs in Christ,
The middle mom and God mother of M❤️,