The eyes of the Lord are ON those who fear Him and HOPE in his UNFAILING/STEADFAST love. Psalm 33:18
Other versions say the Lord DELIGHTS in those who...
Let's rewind for a second; these past few weeks leading up to Trial number 2 have been interesting to say politely. My emotions have been all over the board, at one minute hoping for one thing, the next minute hoping for another thing. Then the next minute crying about everything, LOL. Just being real here. I have come to the conclusion that I cannot trust my feelings. I cannot even trust my "gut", for this process has my heart going through the wringer for sure! In a moment of desperation to the Lord, I cried out to Him. A few scriptures came to my heart:
“As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust. As for man, his days are like grass; he flourishes like a flower of the field; for the wind passes over it, and it is gone, and its place knows it no more. But the steadfast love of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him, and his righteousness to children's children,”
Psalms 103:13-17 ESV
God is fully aware that I am but dust... That I have no ability in myself to muster up the strength to endure this crazy season. For I am here today like the grass and gone tomorrow. But yet, this reminded me that He has compassion on me. He knows my frame. He knows me. He knows my heart more than anyone, and I find so much comfort in this!
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.”
Proverbs 3:5-7 ESV
Here the Lord is telling me to trust in Him, which obviously means by NOT leaning on my own understanding of this current situation. It is obvious and clear that there is no way I can trust in my feelings. He knows that. God knows this! Ha! What a revelation! His word really is life - and bread - and water - to us. It's meant to feed us and nourish us spiritually, and boy do I need it.
“But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”
Romans 8:25-28 ESV
This scripture was brought to my attention by my sweet momma. She encouraged me that I can't even expect myself to know how to pray and endure without the awareness of the Holy Spirit helping me in my weakness. Not only do I battle my flesh and feelings, but this is warfare with a spiritual realm. Also, Because there are so many lives involved in this situation with L, I sometimes don't know how to pray. If I pray for adoption, that means bad news for bio mom who is currently trying to get her daughter back. If I pray for bio mom to be able to have her daughter back, then all of us who love L deeply (and let me tell you - there are a LOT of people other than Kalen and I who have invested in her and love her so much) lose a sweet person they love. SO, the safest place to land is to pray for God's will and TRUST that the Holy Spirit is filling in the gaps that my emotions can't contain! And then we have Romans 8:28 which is the PROMISE that all things work together for the GOOD of those who love God and are called according to HIS purpose. So... No matter what happens, I can trust God that it is good, even if it hurts.
Now back to the title. I was listening to a sermon by John Piper and he said, "Trusting means putting our HOPE in God's unfailing love." Let that sink in a little bit. For me, this is a pivotal truth, because it's easy to think in one outcome or another for trial on Thursday that God's love may lack if it turns out a certain way. But that's absolutely wrong! Trusting is putting my hope in His steadfast love, no matter which way the trial turns out! My hope needs to rest in His steadfast love, not in a certain outcome.
I used Psalm 33:18 as the theme for this blogpost because it says God looks upon, or other versions say, Delights in, those who put their hope in His steadfast love. God is good! Those are the ones He is gazing upon, delighting in! He is a GOOD Father and wants us to put our hope not in certain outcomes, but in the HOPE of HIS STEADFAST love! I mean as a parent, isn't it our greatest delight when our babies trust us? When they know we love them and so they rest in our desicions? Man, it all comes down to me resting in God's love for L, God's love for us, God's love for all involved.
So, in 2 days we have trial. We find out if we're adopting L or if she starts the process to go back to bio mom. But, I won't be putting my hope in any certain outcome, I will only be putting my hope in God's steadfast love... For that love has brought me this far, and it will bring me Home. It will get me through whatever happens. His steadfast love will get us all through this process who have loved L so well. Will you join with me? In hoping in God's steadfast love? He delights in seeing His children put their hope there.
Thank you to everyone who has walked this crazy road with us. Thank you for everyone who's cried with us, rejoiced with us and prayed for us. Please don't stop praying. His grace through your prayers are steadying our hearts! We love you all,